September 2024
In which I wore the same leather jacket for most of the month and then burnt out.
One of the reasons I have to leave New York is that I miss my wardrobe.
While I wish I could say that I thrive on a capsule wardrobe, I’m craving the neglected transitional weather pieces I have awaiting me at home in Toronto. I’ve worn much of the same thing this whole month (some iteration of wide legged jeans, comfortable top, jacket), and am excited for variations on the theme.
I will say I’ve only purchased a few clothing pieces for myself in New York, both of which I love dearly, both of which I have not worn yet. If you’d like to get technical I also purchased a deep brown leather jacket from Massimo Dutti in Paris - a reflex reaction upon discovering I had not packed for the weather, a legitimate excuse in my books - that has since successfully earned its cost per wear (I’ve worn it nearly every day). Unfortunately this style is mostly sold out, but I’m pleased to report that Calvin Klein has a veryyyy similar style and it’s currently on sale.
Both items from New York are vintage and deeply perfect to me. The first is a pair of Dior denim kitten mules from Nou vintage, who had a pop-up at Heart & Lou’s (one of my favourite vintage curations in the city). The second is a sheer, iridescent sienna silk shirt from Dries that I found at Desert Vintage (though I promised myself I wouldn’t enter, the search for a perfect shirt - another mission I am on - determined otherwise).
Some other reflections on my month here:
When I originally planned to leave Toronto for a bit, it was early/high summer and I was feeling stifled by the creative scene and my sense of purpose within it. Yu+Mei had wrapped its sixth (seventh?) dinner party of the year and we were exhausted. I wanted new faces, new ideas, which felt difficult when I was surrounded by people telling me they were “over Toronto,” that “the city is not what it used to be”. I have no context of what it used to be and therefore cannot reminisce on a bygone era - I moved back to Toronto in 2020 as an adult and consider my childhood fairly sheltered.
So I left. It was a default impulse that allowed me to defect actually facing any problems at home by doing exactly what I tend to do in times of insecurity, which is throw myself into work and ignore my personal life.
It was no surprise to me when I burnt out within just a few weeks.
New York is transient - almost no one is from here, most people don’t stay. The ones who do are a different breed. The culture here, especially to do with my line of work, is very trend-driven and quick, for lack of a better word, and I found myself trying unsuccessfully trying to hop on board with all of that. What I learned very quickly is that I really don’t care. New York is a great place to get noticed, but all too easy to get lost. It’s not entirely fundamental or beneficial to my work to be there full time, especially when I’ve spent so long nurturing relationships at home.
So as I return to Toronto, I bear the same uncertainty I had going into this month in the sense that I don’t feel settled in my life, but I leave New York with the knowledge that mere location is not what determines the feeling of home.
I also take away a little more understanding in how I want to operate online. I tried it all this month - dumps, certain trends, cutesy content, an abomination of links. You can see the lack of passion through a lot of it (or at least I can). In New York I feel compelled to post something, anything, just for the sake of keeping up, and that doesn’t feel right. Talking for the sake of talking doesn’t result in being heard.
What I want to do and love to do is create moments, whether it involves a photo or is a dinner I’m hosting. The moments I curate are a bit slower, require a bit more offline labour, and feel far more intentional to me than what I’ve been sharing online. I think having more of a presence in this newsletter feels better to me than incessant posting.
I felt it would be weird to incorporate links and outfits into this post because it feels so introspective. It doesn’t bode well for me to pour out all of the above and say, “so here’s what I wore during that time.” That’s not to say this type of post isn’t coming - I have a roundup of my favourite capsule wardrobe moments coming up. But in the meantime, a little personal reflection from me. And a playlist, too.
This felt great to read and very relatable at a time when it seems like a lot of people are burnt out/tired of the New York lifestyle, myself included. Best of luck back in Toronto ❤️