April 2023
On grief, Yu+Mei, being anti-girl-next-door, elevated earth girls, having no chill, good rocks, the best Balearic life, Giddying Up, juicy lips, being Glowy, being Gloam, and deceptive eggplants
We begin on a bittersweet note. This past month I lost my Kung Kung, my grandfather, who passed on March 21, 2023. A man with fascinating stories about working the tin mines of rural Malaysia, an aviation fanatic who built model planes as a hobby, a guy who could talk your head off for hours on end about rocks, and a downright rascal - my grandmother claims that when they met she thought he was ugly, to which his reaction was, “at least she remembered me.”
I feel strange (perhaps uncomfortable?) admitting that until this point in my life I have no conscious memory of grief. When my Ye Ye passed (my paternal grandfather), I was too young to remember. Dealing with death at twenty-five poses an unfamiliar heaviness, and as my family lives far from Malaysia, I am imbued with guilt that I didn’t visit more often, spend more time in his company. Not an unfamiliar complex for anyone who is far away from their extended family.
My grandfather possessed a sharp sense of humour and an unconditional love for his granddaughters (of which he has five…I always laugh when I think of how my grandmother wanted a grandson so badly that the universe fought back). And I have this silly thought that he held on long enough to let me get through one of the highlights of my career so far before moving on. Kung Kung, thank you for that and your sense of humour and much more.
And now for the rest.
Specifically, that career highlight. On March 19th, if you haven’t already gotten frustrated or jaded with my constant posting about this, Yu+Mei hosted its first official lunch for Women’s Month in collaboration with COS. Thank you COS for making this possible and for donating on behalf of all the guests to CAMH womenmind - something about energy being put into a cause that really reinvigorates the sense of purpose, you know? For so long I’ve been working to merge my interests - fashion, beauty, food, community, wine, etc. - into one context, and this supper club feels like things are falling into place. To many, many more.
And now for the fun stuff.
1. What I’m eyeing/buying
I have a bone to pick with the concept of girl-next-door beauty. Let me define the terms: the girl next door is the oft young, quiet personality possessing the dichotomy of approachable yet wallflower energy, the unintimidating girl who has “always been around” and gives off a comforting presence as a result of her unassuming beauty. You know what I’m talking about - this girl is the subject of so many movies I grew up watching; she doesn’t get “noticed” until the end, when some guy realizes she’s always been there, has always been loyal. She’s unpretentious, she’s sweet, she’s stable, she’s safe.
What irks me the most about this is that it feels as though this type of beauty is appealing for its effect on the stereotypical, heterosexual man - the girl-next-door is a non-threat. Perhaps I’m just exaggerating because this is what I am not. I certainly have my own personal demons to face - I once went out with a guy who requested I not “dress nice” to go out as a result of him feeling “shlummy” (shlummy?). What he really wanted was some girl who wouldn’t attract an embarrassing amount of attention for standing out.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being the girl next door. What is wrong here is that I began to intentionally change how I behaved, how I dressed, in order to appease a man. I’d catch myself thinking that I was too put together - too loud - and worry about being, you know, too much.
I am so sick and tired of the emphasis placed on being the cool, fun, chill girl, when, growing up, those girls who embodied such descriptors never accepted me as one of their own in the first place. I’ve agonized over warping myself to fit this mold, mostly ending up at odds with how I wanted to express myself creatively. I don’t possess that all-American quality, that naked Lost J Crew beauty. My features are too abnormal, too foreign. Nor do I have any chill to speak of. I’ve grown to love looking so different.
And I like to wear a lot of different things. Sure, I gravitate towards the timelessness and comfort of jeans and a t-shirt with a leather jacket for an everyday uniform. But I also love to wear masculine suits and flowy long skirts and kitten heels and beautiful jewellery and statement coats and white dresses and the colour red and designer fashion. I love to wear things that I might regret later. I love to wear things that make me feel like a capital W Woman. I love to wear things that make me feel timeless. I love to avoid trends. Life is too short to reside in athleisure.
Some days I like to feel mature, others I want to feel angelic (not reflective or indicative of any behaviour, mind you). Most days, all I want is to carry a sense of grace and elegance within each look I put together. What I really want to do is emphasize that it is, indeed, okay to subscribe to the girl-next-door aesthetic. Don’t let me stop you. If it works for you, by all means carry on. But it’s really not for me. If I’m too much, go find less.
On that note, here are some things I’m eyeing to add to my too muchness:
While on a hike in Mallorca last year with my sister, we developed the running line, “nothing gets me like a good rock.” In Mallorca there were many good rocks. Great cliffs. Excellent elevation. We would point out any mass of stone and jokingly say this to one another. However, good rocks really do make a good statement - chunky stones, crystals, etc. - these are the earth elements I’m drawn to these days, beginning with this incredible tiger’s eye stone necklace from Sophie Buhai. The burl aesthetic gives what I like to call an elevated earthiness. Is elevated earth girl my true calling, as opposed to the girl-next-door? For those looking for a slightly less expensive option (and I am not one for dupes, but rather this is a Vancouver-based brand), consider the Yona collar from Kara Yoo.
Truly, I’m just trying to live my best Balearic life at all times, even within the confines of this frigid continent. Casa Ayllon jewellery is my other obsession for earthy organic shapes and satisfyingly chunky pendants. Beautifully blown glass objects of atemporal elegance comprise the Ayllon repertoire, made in Italy and Australia. My favourite pieces include this sculptural ring that looks like a droplet of morning dew on a petal (you being the flower), and this opaque vanilla pendant.
Slightly controversial, but I seldom like how things are styled on the runway. Or rather, I fall into this trap where I have a hard time envisioning how I would wear something and then immediately defer to disliking the runway look. Perhaps that’s why I gravitate towards dresses - there often isn’t too much that needs to be done in terms of styling. When I went to the Acne Studios show last October I felt this deeply, until recently when the collection launched in stores and I was able to isolate each piece and appreciate their beauty. I fell hard for this playful and dreamy asymmetrical skirt, and can’t wait to pair it with a wispy tank top (casual option, crinkled crepe option - on sale!) and ballet flats.
Speaking of ballet flats, in typical Canadian fashion, the very millisecond the weather inches above 0 degrees Celsius, my boots go into storage. Bring on the ballet flats, the Mary Janes, any footwear that allows me to tread lightly. Away with clunky gore tex! They’ll have their turn again in due time. Though I keep missing the Sandy Liang pointe shoe restock (there are some sizes left, yet sadly not mine), these Lemaire flats have a beautiful square toe shape that I (shockingly) like more than The Row’s black leather ballet flats.
Some are opposed to ballet flats for the sake of them being so, well, flat. It’s true, the soles seem to be thinner and arch support is little to none, but allow me to present a counter option - the Aline Mary Janes from Aeyde. A slight heel adds volumes (and literal inches), and are an opportune moment for a pop of colour. Might I suggest patent red?
The preoccupation with Lemaire’s genius continues with this silk blend top and bottom set in the perfect dusty colour and fluid drape. Such staples are sure to last for years, and afford the wearer an elevated stage of elegance.
Socks and sneakers. Socks and sandals. Socks alone. I love Comme Si’s socks but simply cannot justify the price of cashmere socks at this phase of my life. I just ordered these socks from Uncle Studios - they come in a pack of four, so each pair comes to just over USD$10 each, allowing me to scratch the itch for a luxurious looking sock.
In case you missed it, here is the link to the denim skirt I wore that many people loved.
I don’t know what possessed me to purchase a lighter. I don’t smoke. But I simply couldn’t resist this irresistibly slim, sleek gold lighter with “giddy up” cheekily inscribed in a swirly script from Auto the Label. For $30, it’s a simple and foolproof gift.
2. On beauty
Yes, Rhode beauty is now shipping in Canada. For those of you eagerly awaiting the launch of the passionfruit peptide lip treatment, yes it smells yummy and yes it is worth ordering. I did also find that the cream completely transformed my skin texture.
Another lip balm worth brand worth noting is Aralea - they have an unusually elegant biodegradable package that looks like a well-kept French pharmacy secret. Use code SASHALIPS for 25% off.
The final honourable mention of the lip category goes to Merit’s new Gelée collection of lip oils. Each colour is aptly named (did we expect anything else from such branding wizards?): Jété is a neutral (akin to the warm effect of their existing shade Bel Air, though with more colour and less shimmer) and my (and every ballet-core fanatic) favourite shade of choice; Les Deux is a sheer watermelon pink sure to delight; Maraschino is a more translucent red that I am certain will be so flattering with a summer tan; Mapleton is an incredible sheer wild berry. All shades ensure juicy lips.
If you haven’t heard of Saie Beauty yet, you should. They recently launched their Super Glowy Skin Foundation and brought me to NYC for a night to celebrate. While I was initially skeptical (“how can yet another foundation be disruptive?”), the feeling dissipated rapidly as I tried the product out for myself. Simply put, it’s tinted skincare with more of a filter-like result than tinted moisturizer. However, that’s not simple at all, and I don’t quite have the words to describe how great this product feels. The best attempt I can make to justify this incredible product is that wears like vintage, only getting better and better throughout the day. I wear shade 14 or 16.
Just-pinched, warmly flushed, rosy posy cheeks evoke the energy of a fresh start, of emerging from the cocoon of winter. Baume Essentiel is my favourite product from Chanel Beauty for its natural finish, its slightly “wet” look, and multifaceted application opportunities (read: eyes, lips, and cheeks). The latest addition to the BE family is Rouge Frais, a ripe June strawberry that is simply irresistible.
Much to the chagrin of my family and any skincare purists, I love fragrance. I want to smell delicious at all hours, and spring poses an opportune moment for a new fragrance launch. Some of my favourites this season include Hermès’ Un Jardin a Cynthère, a warm and sensual blond scent that makes me feel as though I’ve been enveloped in the warm sunshine on a grassy Greek island (I’ve been wearing this daily); Diptyque’s l’Eau Papier, elevated by the accidental olfactory note of rice steam accord to create an infatuating musky, creamy scent; and Aesop’s Gloam creates an intoxicating floral, green, and spicy aroma with notes of sweet orange blossom, mimosa, saffron, and more, to create an arresting and soul-searching blend (available April 10).
3. On cooking
Events season results in a certain negligence when it comes to taking the time to prepare a delicious meal. Lunches become makeshift snack plates, dinners are often at some restaurant or another. No complaints here - how else will I try all of the restaurants? After a while though, it starts to feel a bit like travelling for a long time, where you’re just, you know, a little too stuffed.
All this to say that I don’t have any complex recipes for you this month. What I surprisingly received quite a lot of requests for was this miso eggplant side dish I made recently - I say surprising because it takes very little prep time to make this humble dish, which is so deceptively simple I assumed it wouldn’t be of any appeal to the fickle world of social media. Alas, I love to be proven wrong, and here is the recipe:
Miso Roasted Eggplant (serves 2)
*please note that measurements are rough! Adapt and adjust according to your personal taste.
Ingredients:
1-2 heaping tablespoons white miso paste
1 tbsp soy sauce
1 tbsp sesame oil
1 tbsp olive oil
1 tbsp maple syrup
1-2 scallions, roughly chopped
3-4 Japanese eggplants
Method:
preheat the oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit
whisk the miso paste, soy sauce, sesame oil, olive oil, and maple syrup in a bowl until fully mixed to make a sauce
Chop the tops off of each eggplant and slice in half, lengthwise
brush the sauce over the top of the eggplant. Don’t worry about there being a lot, eggplant soaks up oil!
sprinkle the scallions over the eggplants
roast in oven for about 30 minutes, then broil for 1 minute
enjoy over a bowl of rice, preferably coconut rice (rice cooked in coconut cream instead of water)
4. On listening
Listen in order. Thank you very much.